Jealousy.
It's been awhile.
I kinda almost forgotten how it feels to experience it.
Mood spoiler for the whole day, contributed to the edginess I've had over today too..
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Time flies..
Kinda stumbled upon my blog again.
I've had this blog for 6 years now.
Looking back at the posts I've made over the past 6 years, I was quite amused at the nonsense I could write last time.
This space has primarily been a medium for my rants, my shout out against the crappy stuff in life.
I guess it kinda worked, judging from the number of rants I accumulated over the past 6 years.
My last post was in January 2012, which isn't really far behind, but it sure felt like those stuff happened ages ago.
Alot of things happened after that, some good, some bad. But nothing too extreme...I guess university education has been quite kind to me so far.
But recently it seems lady luck hasn't been shining on me.
Let's see..lost elections AGAIN. Lost a scholarship chance. Problems in cove, not that I'm very active anymore..plus I've been dry for the longest time ever. Last dive = July. Can't wait to get back into the ocean...even tioman or aur sounds like a perfect getaway now.
After all this, would I say I'm okay? Duh, of course not. It sucks losing. I don't like to lose. I don't think anyone else do. The feeling sucks. But I don't think I'm upset. More like disappointed. I could have done so much.
I guess it sucked even more when everyone expected me to win. I expected myself to win too..but somehow I just had the nagging feeling that I would not...hindsight bias? I guess I will never know.
But at the same time, I guess I'm grateful and touched by the many encouraging words people have given to me. I didn't expect such an outpouring of encouragement from anyone. It doesn't really mitigate the disappointment, but it's kind of comforting in a sense too.
Time as usual, became the best medicine. It's almost a week since I lost and I am kinda almost over it now. I still do periodically think of "what-if" situations, but counter-factual thinking does me no good...learnt that in social psyc. So no point keep going through the "what-ifs".
Now I'm halfway through semester 1 and mid terms are coming, along with it the pressure of maintaining my GPA. GPA is so sensitive in school, that people barely talk about it. The situation is even worse when you have a high GPA. I've never done well in academics ever, so this is a totally new experience. This is probably the only time ever where I've done well in school. But I guess I don't want to be seen as in a different league from everyone else, because I know I am not. I'm not a scholar, I'm not a genius. I would rather be treated like an average student and not someone with all the brains.
I've had this blog for 6 years now.
Looking back at the posts I've made over the past 6 years, I was quite amused at the nonsense I could write last time.
This space has primarily been a medium for my rants, my shout out against the crappy stuff in life.
I guess it kinda worked, judging from the number of rants I accumulated over the past 6 years.
My last post was in January 2012, which isn't really far behind, but it sure felt like those stuff happened ages ago.
Alot of things happened after that, some good, some bad. But nothing too extreme...I guess university education has been quite kind to me so far.
But recently it seems lady luck hasn't been shining on me.
Let's see..lost elections AGAIN. Lost a scholarship chance. Problems in cove, not that I'm very active anymore..plus I've been dry for the longest time ever. Last dive = July. Can't wait to get back into the ocean...even tioman or aur sounds like a perfect getaway now.
After all this, would I say I'm okay? Duh, of course not. It sucks losing. I don't like to lose. I don't think anyone else do. The feeling sucks. But I don't think I'm upset. More like disappointed. I could have done so much.
I guess it sucked even more when everyone expected me to win. I expected myself to win too..but somehow I just had the nagging feeling that I would not...hindsight bias? I guess I will never know.
But at the same time, I guess I'm grateful and touched by the many encouraging words people have given to me. I didn't expect such an outpouring of encouragement from anyone. It doesn't really mitigate the disappointment, but it's kind of comforting in a sense too.
Time as usual, became the best medicine. It's almost a week since I lost and I am kinda almost over it now. I still do periodically think of "what-if" situations, but counter-factual thinking does me no good...learnt that in social psyc. So no point keep going through the "what-ifs".
Now I'm halfway through semester 1 and mid terms are coming, along with it the pressure of maintaining my GPA. GPA is so sensitive in school, that people barely talk about it. The situation is even worse when you have a high GPA. I've never done well in academics ever, so this is a totally new experience. This is probably the only time ever where I've done well in school. But I guess I don't want to be seen as in a different league from everyone else, because I know I am not. I'm not a scholar, I'm not a genius. I would rather be treated like an average student and not someone with all the brains.
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